When you sense defensiveness, whether through their facial expressions, body language, or tone of voice, dial up your warmth to move them back into a more positive frame of mind. You can do this in two ways: Verbally: Encourage positive mental associations. For example, mention something they’ve done well in the past or something in this situation that you approve of. Nonverbally: Use your body language to influence theirs. Get back into a state of goodwill so that it plays out across your face. The mirror neurons in their brain will replicate the emotions they’re seeing in you, putting them in a more positive state of mind as well