on 26-Feb-2018 (Mon)

结婚前应该了解对方些什么？人们最关心这 10 个问题

• 梁萧 发布于 4周前 (01-29)
• 分类：文摘

爱情总由或真或假的过去、自我幻想的对方、屏蔽缺点的伪装构成，一个被荷尔蒙和浪漫影视剧灌满的年轻人初入情场，通常会放大且专注于对方（展示出来）的优点，迁就对方的生活习惯（直到受不了前都称为“磨合”），像在课堂里呆满 2000 个学时就该毕业了一样到了年纪就满头大汗奔赴婚姻现场。相处久了才开启隐藏属性，暴露自己脏乱懒的本性，前后画风不一致让对方直呼“你变了”。

分手和离婚的普遍程度早就为你服下一颗“维持爱情真的很难”的糟心丸，不论是把“一见钟情、直觉、真命天子/百分百女孩“作为真爱前提，还是翻着相亲对象简历给“身高、教育、薪酬、房车”划及格线，彼此了解都是维系爱情的有效途径。

然而很多伴侣并不知道该了解对方什么。

日本的一项调查显示，在结婚前觉得完全没啥可担心的日本人只有 12.1%。他们婚前最担心的是“经济”（38%），其次才是“结婚的对象是不是自己真正喜欢的人”（23.3%）。而“对方的收入”（5.3%）、“什么时候要孩子”（2.8%）都很少人挂心。

和日本不同，中国人结婚前对“婚后是否跟父母住”最关心，其次是“性生活”、“钱归谁管”，以及“生不生孩子，生几个孩子”。好奇心研究所一项名为“婚前你一定要问的问题有哪些？”的调查，收到 8740 个反馈，我们整理了一下，人们在婚前最想了解的问题大概还有这几种

1.对对方家人和朋友的看法

婚后会跟父母住吗？过年去谁家？喜欢我的家人吗？多久和他们相聚一次？是两个人的婚姻还是两个家族的婚姻？对我的朋友有意见吗？我们能互相尊重对方的交友自由吗？

这样的问题也许难以正面回答，但坦诚地谈论自己对对方家人、朋友等重要的人，希望对方怎样对待自己的家人朋友，可以避免许多不必要的麻烦。“你跟朋友的关系太近了，我会觉得受到冷落，会嫉妒”、“我爸对节日很重视，买个乳胶枕头讨他欢心怎么样”，即便是让人头痛的“妈宝”，如果伴侣两人立场是统一，那父母朋友的影响就会更加可控。

2.对性的需求和癖好

即便是亲密的情侣，耻于谈性的人也很多。但性对亲密关系而言又是十分重要的一部分。“你有特殊的性癖好吗？有淫妻欲吗？我们的性生活会太频繁吗？性对你有多重要？我们对性的开放程度一致吗？能接受的性活动有哪些？你愿意尝试吗？”虽然也许许多问题需要性经验的积累才能回答，适时地了解彼此对性的态度既有助于性的质量也能帮助调节性期待。

3.对经济的态度

钱归谁管？平时点外卖谁付钱？有没有零花钱？希望财务独立还是成为一个“经济共同体”？各自欠债各自还还是共同承担？如果两人收入差距过大要怎么分配支付比例？

即便“向对方公开自己的财务状况、协商怎么处理共同财富”很重要，但人们常会有意识地把“金钱”这个功利性的话题从爱情里搁到一边，直到出现类似“当了 5 年家庭主妇的女性没有工作经验没有一技之长，离婚后一无所有”。

4.消费观

哪些地方可以节省，哪些地方不能凑合，人们通常会不满的“扣门、浪费、拜金、奢侈”都是基于两人差距悬殊的消费观而言的。如果一个消费激进一个买支口红都犹豫三天半，很可能会过不到一起，还要到网上去提问“对象是个凤凰男怎么办”。两人都是赌徒或是都是守财奴就更可能相安无事。

5.生不生孩子，养不养宠物

结婚的动机通常是爱情、经济、性和子女。在中国传统婚姻观念里，生儿育女几乎是婚姻里理所当然的一道程序，但随着个人主义的兴起，越来越多人选择不生孩子，中国的生育率连年走低。了解对方的生育意愿就显得很有必要，要不要生、生几个、什么时候生、生了孩子谁负责带、领养是一个可以接受的备选项吗。而在越来越多人把宠物作为家庭一份子的如今，养不养宠物、怕不怕猫狗、养什么宠物，养的话谁来负责铲屎照料，都值得讨论。

6.对个人空间的需求

哪些属于隐私范畴，手机能不能看、日记能不能看、相册能不能看，对不少人而言，伴侣就应该毫无保留地坦诚，但有些人即便婚后也希望能保留很大程度的自主性，并不愿意分享自己的朋友和爱好、不想在朋友圈发合照、需要足够多的独处时间。如果两人没达成共识，就可能给对方“太黏了”或者“太冷漠了”的感觉。

7.对争议的处理方式

吵架了谁先妥协、有休战协议吗、以往的吵架方式是冷战还是对吼、讲道理还是哄、跪键盘还是泡面。

不存在绝对“对的人”，任何人都会让你愤怒、悲伤、失望、痛苦，你也会给对方相同的负面影响，成熟的关系在于怎么处理彼此间的分歧。尤其对耐心普遍不足的现代人而言，一遇到困境，“放弃、分手、离婚”总是优先选项之一。讨论一下有不同意见的时候该怎么处理，就能避免类似“一个认为她要的不是解决办法，是统一战线的陪伴，不要讲道理，爱她就好。另一个觉得他怎么总是说些有的没的，太务虚了，根本解决不了问题”。

8.能否接受对方的过去

跟前任的关系，会不会阻碍我们的关系、对对方的前任有多介意。对有些人来说，分手了也能做朋友，但对另一些人而言，跟前任联系就等同出轨。了解对方的在意程度来决定是不是能谈起、是不是能保留前任留下的物品和信息。

过去的病史、伤疤，甚至犯罪经历，比起某天被对方发现，不如提前和对方坦诚，并且达成一个共识，那就是对方在和你在一起之前，也有自己的历史。

9.对第三方的介入容忍度

怎么看待开放式关系、怎么应对激情递减后的状况、怎么看待出轨、出轨了怎么办、跟别人的调情程度可以达到什么程度、什么样的性行为是绝对不能容忍的。

10.对方的优缺点

你喜欢我哪里、有哪些地方是你受不了的，要知道，一个人的某些优点在一些人看来是优点在另一些人看来是需要憋着气忍受的，谈论并总结对方的优缺点，对自己了解对方和对方了解自己都有帮助。人们对讨论缺点的谨慎态度也许出于包容、互相适应的考虑，但婚姻是段长期关系，让对方明白自己的某些方面需要留意一下，将更能让彼此往契合的方向发展。

The empiric formula for many of the simpler carbo - hydrates is (CH 2 O) n

Carbohydrates with an aldehyde as their most oxidized functional group are called aldoses, whereas those with a keto as their most oxidized functional group are called ketoses

Carbo hy drates that have a free carbonyl group have the suffix –ose. [Note: Ketoses (with some exceptions, for example, fructose) have an additional two letters in their suffix: –ulose, for example, xylulose

fructose, glucose, man- nose, and galactose are all isomers of each other, having the same chemical formula, C 6 H 12 O 6 . Carbohydrate isomers that differ in configuration around only one specific carbon atom (with the excep- tion of the carbonyl carbon, see “anomers” below) are defined as epimers of each other

epimers—their structures differ only in the position of the –OH group at carbon 4

galactose and mannose are NOT epimers—they differ in the position of –OH groups at two carbons (2 and 4) and are, there- fore, defined only as isomers

In the D isomeric form, the –OH group on the asymmetric carbon (a carbon linked to four different atoms or groups) farthest from the carbonyl carbon is on the right, whereas in the L-isomer it is on the left.

they are pre- dominantly found in a ring (cyclic) form, in which the aldehyde (or keto) group has reacted with an alcohol group on the same sugar, making the carbonyl carbon (carbon 1 for an aldose or carbon 2 for a ketose) asymmetric.

Cyclization creates an anomeric carbon (the for- mer carbonyl carbon), generating the α and β configurations of the sugar

In the α configuration, the OH on the anomeric C projects to the same side as the ring in a modified Fischer projection formula (Figure 7.6A), and is trans to the CH 2 OH group in a Haworth projection formula

Because the α and β forms are not mirror images, they are referred to as diastereomers.

Enzymes are able to distinguish between these two structures and use one or the other preferen- tially. For example, glycogen is synthesized from α-D-glucopyra- nose, whereas cellulose is synthesized from β-D-glucopyranose. The cyclic α and β anomers of a sugar in solution are in equilib- rium with each other, and can be spontaneously interconverted (a process called mutarotation

If the hydroxyl group on the anomeric carbon of a cyclized sugar is not linked to another compound by a glycosidic bond, the ring can open. The sugar can act as a reducing agent, and is termed a reducing sugar. Such sugars can react with chro- mogenic agents (for example, Benedict’s reagent or Fehling’s solution) causing the reagent to be reduced and colored, with the aldehyde group of the acyclic sugar becoming oxidized. [Note:

Only the state of the oxygen in the aldehyde group determines if the sugar is reducing or nonreducing.

Important disaccharides include lactose (galactose + glucose), sucrose (glucose + fructose), and maltose (glucose + glucose)

The bonds that link sugars are called glycosidic bonds. These are formed by enzymes known as glycosyltransferases that use nucleotide sugars such as UDP-glucose as substrates.

Glycosidic bonds between sugars are named according to the numbers of the connected carbons, and with regard to the position of the anomeric hydroxyl group of the sugar involved in the bond. If this anomeric hydroxyl is in the α configuration, the linkage is an α-bond. If it is in the β config - uration, the linkage is a β-bond. Lactose, for example, is synthe- sized by forming a glycosidic bond between carbon 1 of β-gal ac tose and carbon 4 of glucose. The linkage is, therefore, a β(1→4) glycosidic bond (see Figure 7.3). [Note: Because the anomeric end of the glucose residue is not involved in the glyco- sidic linkage it (and, therefore, lactose) remains a reducing sugar.

If the group on the non-carbohydrate molecule to which the sugar is attached is an –NH 2 group, the structure is an N-glycoside and the bond is called an N-glycosidic link. If the group is an –OH, the structure is an O-glycoside, and the bond is an O-glycosidic link

The principal sites of dietary carbohydrate digestion are the mouth and intestinal lumen. This digestion is rapid and is catalyzed by enzymes known as glycoside hydrolases ( glycosidases ) that hydrolyze glycosidic bonds. Because there is little monosaccharide present in diets of mixed animal and plant origin, the enzymes are primarily endoglycosidases that hydrolyze polysaccharides and oliosaccharides, and disacchari- dases that hydrolyse tri- and disaccharides into their reducing sugar components

The final products of carbohy- drate digestion are the monosaccharides, glucose, galactose and fruc- tose, which are absorbed by cells of the small intestine.

During mas- tication, salivary α-amylase acts briefly on dietary starch and glyco- gen, hydrolyzing random α(1→4) bonds. [Note: There are both α(1→4)- and β(1→4)-endoglucosidases in nature, but humans do not produce the latter. Therefore, we are unable to digest cellulose— a carbohydrate of plant origin containing β(1→4) glycosidic bonds between glucose residues.] Because branched amylopectin and glycogen also contain α(1→6) bonds, which α-amylase cannot hydrolyze, the digest resulting from its action contains a mixture of short, branched and unbranched oligosaccharides kown as dextrins (Figure 7.9) [Note: Disaccharides are also present as they, too, are resistant to amylase .] Carbohydrate digestion halts temporarily in the stomach, because the high acidity inactivates salivary α-amylase .

When the acidic stomach contents reach the small intestine, they are neutralized by bicarbonate secreted by the pancreas, and pan- creatic α-amylase continues the process of starch digestion.

The final digestive processes occur primarily at the mucosal lining of the upper jejunum, and include the action of several disacchari

dases (Figure 7.10) . For example, isomaltase cleaves the α(1→6) bond in isomaltose and maltase cleaves maltose and maltotriose, each producing glucose, sucrase cleaves sucrose producing glu- cose and fructose, and lactase ( β-galactosidase ) cleaves lactose producing galactose and glucose.

The duodenum and upper jejunum absorb the bulk of the dietary sugars. However, different sugars have different mechanisms of absorption. For example, galactose and glucose are transported into the mucosal cells by an active, energy-requiring process that requires a concurrent uptake of sodium ions; the transport protein is the sodium-dependent glucose cotransporter 1 (SGLT-1). Fructose uptake requires a sodium-independent monosaccharide transporter (GLUT-5) for its absorption. All three monosaccharides are trans- ported from the intestinal mucosal cell into the portal circulation by yet another transporter, GLUT-2.

The overall process of carbohydrate digestion and absorption is so efficient in healthy individuals that ordinarily all digestible dietary car- bohydrate is absorbed by the time the ingested material reaches the lower jejunum. However, because it is mono saccharides that are absorbed, any defect in a specific disaccharidase activity of the intestinal mucosa causes the passage of undigested carbohydrate into the large intestine. As a consequence of the presence of this osmotically active material, water is drawn from the mucosa into the large intestine, causing osmotic diarrhea. This is reinforced by the bacterial fermentation of the remaining carbohydrate to two- and three-carbon compounds (which are also osmotically active) plus large volumes of CO 2 and H 2 gas, causing abdominal cramps, diar- rhea, and flatulence.

dases (Figure 7.10) . For example, isomaltase cleaves the α(1→6) bond in isomaltose and maltase cleaves maltose and maltotriose, each producing glucose, sucrase cleaves sucrose producing glu- cose and fructose, and lactase ( β-galactosidase ) cleaves lactose producing galactose and glucose. Trehalose, an α(1→1) disaccha- ride of glucose found in mushrooms and other fungi, is cleaved by trehalase . These enzymes are secreted through, and remain asso- ciated with, the luminal side of the brush border membranes of the intestinal mucosal cells.

Glucose and galactose dif- fer only in configuration around carbon 4, and so are C-4 epimers that are interconvertible by the action of an epimerase. Glucose is an aldose sugar that typically exists as a pyranose ring in solution; fructose, however, is a ketose with a furanose ring. The D-isomeric form of carbohy- drates is most typically the form found in biologic systems, in contrast to amino acids. Salivary amylase does not produce monosaccharides. Homopolysaccharides of glucose include branched glycogen in which the glycosidic link- ages are the α form, as well as unbranched cel- lulose that has β linkages

α-Glucosidase inhibitors slow the production of glucose from dietary carbohydrates, thereby reducing the post-prandial rise in blood glucose and facilitating better blood glucose control in dia- betics. These drugs have no effect on lactose digestion because the disaccharide lactose con- tains a β-glycosidic bond, not an α

Catabolic pathways are typically oxidative, and require coenzymes such as NAD +

Anabolic reactions often involve chemical reductions in which the reducing power is most frequently provided by the elec- tron donor NADPH

Note that catabolism is a convergent process—that is, a wide variety of molecules are transformed into a few common end products. By contrast, anabolism is a divergent pro- cess in which a few biosynthetic precursors form a wide variety of polymeric or complex products

Two of the most widely recognized second messenger systems are the calcium/phosphatidylinositol system (see p. 205), and the adenylyl cyclase system, which is particularly important in regulating the pathways of intermediary metabolism.

adenylyl cyclase ( adenylate cyclase ). This is a membrane-bound enzyme that converts ATP to 3',5'-adenosine monophosphate (also called cyclic AMP or cAMP)

Informally, an algorithm is any well-defined computational procedure that takes some value, or set of values, as input and produces some value, or set of values, as output.

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